When I said goodbye to good old Cardiff City in February, I promised myself it wouldn’t be for the long run. I would spend the next 5 months sorting my life out, sorting my head out and finding all those things that made me tick again and I would return with my life mended. I guess leaving was one of the most bizarre and adult decisions I’ve ever really made.
Admitting defeat has never come easy to me, however I swallowed my pride, surrendered and ‘nipped it in the bud’ and moved home.
Moving back home has not been the easiest. Leaving the majority of my friends, leaving my independence but most of all leaving somewhere that had become home for the last 4 years was the hardest thing. I guess moving back to South West Wales has made me feel like a teenager again. It’s like a game of snakes and ladders; I’ve taken the adult ladders to adulthood, but I’ve reached the biggest snake and found myself right at the bottom of the adult chain again.
However after much deliberation, I’ve decided to stay at ‘home’ for the long haul. (Well until third year is over.)
This time last year my family was at breaking point; my little sister had fallen of the face of the earth, my mother was distraught whilst my little brother had to pick up the pieces from a marriage breakdown and my mother’s stroke.
However a mere year later, I’ve never ever felt closer to any of my siblings. My little sister is an active part of our lives again, my mother is the happiest I’ve ever seen her and whilst being away from the majority of my friends can be difficult, being able to sit and watch my niece and nephew turn into the little human beings that they are; that most definitely makes up for it.
I guess being away for so long, I never really realised what I’d missed out on until now.
I’ve started concentrating on all the things I’ve always wanted to do but never had the confidence or the money to do so; especially driving.
I’ve always ‘pussied’ out. Three years ago, the thought of getting behind a wheel crippled me with nervousness, however I’ve pushed myself to a point where I’m grabbing it with two hands and actually doing it. Planning to do something and actually doing it has always been a flaw of mine.
Not sure whether it’s just because my mind often goes off into it’s own little world or the fact that I just get too scared about it. (I am such a scaredy cat.)
I’m preparing myself for my last year at university (Finally I got there.)
I never ever thought I’d reach 3rd year, I never thought I’d get the chance. It’s safe to say I’ve been dealt the worst of cards since starting university back in 2011 but with third year so close, I’m so close to proving all those people that doubted me wrong. I’d been so close to giving it all up and just working full-time in a pub, yet I’ve dragged myself along to better myself. I cannot wait to finally graduate; firstly just to say I did it but most of all to finally set myself up in a career that I can say I’ve worked hard for. I am more determined and motivated than ever.
I guess initially I thought moving home was the childish decision; like I’d let people win, however after being home for the last 5 months, I realised that admitting defeat has not only made me ten times happier, it’s finally made me grow up a bit. I’ve probably made more adult decisions in the last 5 months than I ever did living on my own.
I’m not saying I’m never moving back but not for now, not yet. I’m enjoying being a part of a family again but most of all I’m enjoying being myself again and that’s the best bit.