Preparing to fail & believing to achieve

So I’ve been feeling really down recently.

  1. Because of all these deadlines coming out of my eyeballs
  2. Because I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in over a month
  3. Because I’m scared of what comes next after graduation
  4. Because I really want to prove all those buggers that didn’t have faith in me wrong

So with today marking the first day of my last ever term of university, I can’t help but completely shit myself when thinking of what happens next. Continue reading

Sadness, content, understanding…but most of all speaking out.

So I guess I’ve been in auto-pilot for the last couple of weeks, trying to figure out:

  1. What I actually want to do with my life
  2. Why I’ve decided to put myself through the pain of dissertation writing and creating a documentary that really hits home for me.

When deciding what I wanted to base my short TV documentary on, there was only ever one choice for me.

Losing someone is the worst feeling in the entire world, losing someone to suicide is just a completely different type of grief. Talking about my fathers death has always been something I shied away from in regular conversations (unless you get a couple of drinks down me or chuck a pen and paper in-front of me. In this case chuck me a keyboard and computer screen and I become the ultimate keyboard warrior). Continue reading

Goodbye Newsdays!

SO for the last three weeks of my life I’ve been basically in a full-time relationship with a Tascam, Adobe and University news-days. My patience has been tested, every little technical issue you can think of has been claimed and I’ve probably consumed more coffee than the average human should.

However, I am standing, I am living and if anything, despite the incredibly long days, I’ve had a good time.

When I decided on studying Journalism at the tender age of 18, I never really thought about a field that I’d want to personally go into. I don’t even know where my interest even came from.

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I think it’s more that I loved to write; I loved to listen and watch live music and well, I wanted a career that could allow me to do both. If I could review bands for the rest of my life and manage to get by I would happily do that. (Hint hint. Someone give me a job please, ta.)

I never really knew the mechanics of the media world though, that’s why I think I’m incredibly lucky to be able to broaden my horizons and skills during weeks and weeks of news-days, no matter how tiring and mentally draining they are.

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They give you an insight into the working media world, they test you for all the good reasons and they make you gain confidence.

(I am incredibly lucky to be mentored by people from the likes of the BBC & ITV)

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I always bang on about how unconfident I am with things. People may disagree but put me in a room full of strangers or give me a phone with a number to dial and I’m weak at the knees (and not the good weak either!)

Confidence is key when working in Journalism. How can you be the person telling the stories when you can’t interact with people to even get them?

That’s my one major flaw that I am undoubtedly trying to work on.

I may be loud, I may be the class clown but that’s just the way of coping with my major lack of being able to talk to people without thinking they’re judging me and sending me to death row.

These Newsdays actually made me think that I might even know what I’m talking about when it comes to finding stories, looking at angles and finding appropriate interviewees. I may have actually somehow… hit the nail on the head.

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I’m not going to lie and say that the news in which we cover on newsdays interests me; I’m the girl that just wants to write about music all the bloody time but it definitely puts you in the right place when trying to find what you actually want to do.

You find out what you do like and what you really do not like doing.

You learn that gaining and maintaining contacts are incredibly crucial when working in Journalism; whether it’s Mr Smith from the local butchery or the First Minister himself.

But most of all you realise that with coffee, you can rule the world (or at least the newsroom!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2015

It’s nearing the end of another year, another bunch of memories and another load of lessons learned.

I’ve never been the naive one thinking that my life was going to change drastically within a short matter of weeks or that I was going to become this ‘sparkly’ new person as soon as 2015 hit, but this year pretty much went like that.

I began the first week of 2015 thinking I had the closest knit of friends and that those friendships would last an entire lifetime. They didn’t and I’m so rightly glad of that.

Weeks into 2015, I admitted defeat, quit my job and moved home, back to the teenage bedroom I’d shared many years ago, back to the family life I’d missed out on but most of all I went back to myself again.

It had come to a point where I didn’t recognise the person I was becoming and to be completely honest, I really didn’t like the bitter, angry and just plain sad human being I was.

I guess there’s only so much pretending you can do before you finally hit rock bottom and realise that something really isn’t for you.

The next few months saw me adjust to life in the middle of nowhere again. I had to adjust to a new workplace with a completely different bunch of people but most of all I had to adjust to life without the majority of my friends being down the road from me. (They’ve always been at the other end of the phone though.)

 

I guess this year started really badly, my sister had just decided that she wanted to be a part of the family again, I felt like I’d just upped and left my independence behind and I just felt as if I was the laughing stock of the people that put me in that predicament.

 

This year I’ve learnt what it is to forgive someone in the biggest way. I’ve always held grudges, forgiving has never been the easiest thing for me but this year completely changed that.

 

I learnt that nothing is going to be done without the effort and I well and truly learnt whom the most important and loyal people to me are.

 

I started to learn to drive, I actually finally got into third year and I had the best Christmas to top it all off.

 

I’ve had a weird but amazing year and I cannot wait to see what 2016 has to offer.

Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

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And that’s it! You can go and enjoy Christmas now…

So that’s it, the first term of 3rd year is officially over!

There’s nothing more rewarding than success when you’ve fought extremely hard for it. A bit like my wisdom teeth right now, they are killing me slowly with their little bursts through my gums, yet I know the end is nigh and I know the buggers will not bother me once they’re through. I will get through this torture.

That’s how I’ve looked at the last 4 years of my life really. Continue reading